You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
