i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
