Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
