You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
