He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
