i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how do flat chested girls get laid?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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