i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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