fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
