oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
