Kiss
Puke
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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