so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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