I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
