Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
