Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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