Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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