why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
