Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
