True but thats because hes a fetus.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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