I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
