Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
