if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
