I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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