well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
