so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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