He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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