they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
