Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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