So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
