Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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