Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
