Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
