Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
