when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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