two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
