Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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