I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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