david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
