I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
