She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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