I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
