So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
