You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
