You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
