I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
