Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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