he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
