i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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