I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
