You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
