turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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