i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
