I can tuck mytits in my pants
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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