shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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