I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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